i am indeed in india. (i had a dream one night, where i was in canada, and someone asked me why i wasn't in india because my facebook profile said that i was, and i had no idea why i wasn't in india, and so i reasoned that i would be going to india shortly, and then i was quite sad because i couldn't recall at all what i had been doing in canada the past month, and why it was that i missed home so much. but then i woke up and realized that i am indeed in india). anyhow... the misconception does not lie therein but seems to be summed up in the "doing some good work" bit. you see, i'm not doing anything. i suppose if you call 'learning' 'doing', then i am 'doing', but other than that, no actual doing of anything. i am watching other people do good work. watching them work and be dedicated and be nice and hospitable and generous and kind. but other than that, no doing. i am learning that... i guess the only way that i can think of to put it is that "real life is hard". by this i mean many things. i mean that realities of life are harsh; that things are not neatly tied up and are often a big complicated mess that it is terribly hard to understand; that for the actual doing of anything, there requires so much grunt work and so little reward that it is a wonder that anyone does anything ever. real life is hard. it's hard, but it's also beautiful and 'worth the breathing'.
maybe in that lesson, (and some others), is the value of this experience. maybe.
i suppose we shall see.
~ kim
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