devestation.

so, there isn't internet access at this new place where we are staying.
surprise!
well, it wouldn't really be so disappointing if they hadn't assured us that "of course there will be internet access".
i suppose they didn't know, and it couldn't really be helped. still, disappointment.

so i've hiked 30min here to this internet cafe to let yall know this.
actually, i hiked here to get my fix.
my fix of internet.
it's my drug. more addictive than caffeine. going for extended periods without it i suffer from withdrawal.

on the plus side it doesn't stain my teeth.

in brief, a summary

the entries up until this point were all from before july 11th, which was the day we left Secunderabad for the HIV/AIDS care and support centre in Warangal district (about 3 hours by auto from Secunderabad), and with the city we also left our internet access (booohooo :*( )

this is a brief summary to catch you up to speed with how everything has been:

i left Toronto on the 29th of june, arrived in Mumbai on the 1st in the wee hours. i stayed at my uncle's house until the morning of the 5th when i arrived in Hyderabad and was taken to CHAI headquarters in Secunderabad.

being the weekend, the first day involved settling in, the second involved a short visit to a farm/training centre/soon-to-be-completed care and support centre of CHAI's just to 'take it it'; then in the afternoon a lame attempt to explore the city was made by the 4 of us which ended in a long trek along the promenade of the lake, making the local newspaper, and seeing things we probably would not have seen had the planned sight-seeing tour fallen into place.

then next 2 days involved learning more about CHAI, the programs, ideology, and services involved. this took up the mornings, so the afternoons were free. monday, the other girls went into town to find a bank. i played antisocial loner and stayed home, discovering and making good use of the library (i.e. the internet). the second afternoon we went back into town, i changed some money and we tried to do some shopping. 2 of the other girls had a cell-phone acquisition adventure/trial which took a while to sort out.
wednesday we visited a public (government) hospital in Secunderabad. it was huge, and saw an impressive number of patients, however it was not an overall positive experience (it involved some rather rude doctors insulting us while we sat there and tried to politely take it). (politeness is hellish sometimes. i don't know who invented it or what purpose it's supposed to serve, but really, good grief!. although we did make the local newspaper again (but this time we never actually found a copy of the article).
thursday we visited a faith-based hospital, which was a much more pleasant experience. friday we left for and arrived at the care and support centre in Warangal.

the centre cares for HIV/AIDS patients, about 1/2 of which have active pulmonary TB. they see about 90 patients a month, with approximately 60 in-patients at any one time. there is a male ward and a female ward, and 2 4-bed rooms for "infectious diseases" where the more serious male patients went. the patients at the centre are there for an average of 10 days, coming in because of various opportunistic infections which are common with HIV cases. each patient has an attendant - a family member who is with them at all times and performs most of the personal care for the patients. there are 3 nurses on duty during the day, one during the night, as well as various support staff. the doctor will come once a day for rounds - to prescribe medications and refer patients. care and medications are provided for free to the patients.

what is interesting is that there is an orphanage attached to the centre ("care and support for children"). there were 56 children, most orphans, all HIV positive, from 4 years to 12 years, both girls and boys. most of the kids had watched one or both parents die at the centre and had no where else to go. they were given food, medication, clothes, education and the centre was their permanent home. it was an interesting and pleasant contrast to hear laughter or young voices reciting the alphabet in the midst of suffering and dying.

there are quite a few 'special' experiences that occurred during the 12 days that we spent there, which i hope to be able to elaborate on in greater detail.

we arrived back in secunderabad on the 23rd of july. during these past few days we (in no particular order): did a city tour; finished a report on the Warangal CSC and submitted it to CHAI; visited a private/corporate hospital; walked through a slum; had a home-cooked meal at friends' house; and did a whole lot of laundry.
issues with power outages and internet outages and such things, (as well as potential carbon monoxide poisoning - either that or becoming too used to afternoon siestas) has made updating this blog difficult until now. there will potentially be internet at the next place that we shall be visiting - certain primary health centres outside of a city called Eluru, east of Hyderabad. we leave tonight by train.

one of the other girls whose blog i referred you to earlier has been posting pictures and updating, so you can continue to check that out: uibeloindia.blogpost.com. i make no promises about updating, as even if there is web access it is rather frustrating to share it with 3 other internet starved individuals, plus whoever else needs it for actual work.

homesick.

i can't really believe how quickly this set in, but within a day of being in hyderabad, i was really missing home. talking to my family on the phone sent me into tears. it makes me reconsider whether i would actually be able to do this whole travelling thing for a long period of time.

it seems that my heart is more tied to home, to my family and my friends and toronto than i had thought before.

i think that's a good thing.

mmmm... pizza

there are 6 of us foreign students staying at this place. you wouldn't believe it but i was the frist to get sick of indian food. i cannot eat rice meal after meal after meal, i just simply refuse! i have started to crave white people food. but i suppose i will get over it.

nursing in india: a plug

one of the other girls who is here with me has started a blog chronicling her experience of this program. the address is:

uibeloindia.blogspot.com

i thought it might be more forthcoming with details about what the program is like, and what the organization we are placed at is like, and what some of the things are that we will be doing, as opposed to mine which lacks such things. perhaps it is something you would be interested in... plus there are pictures!

upper class privilege and money woes

at my last placement, when i told my preceptor and a girl who had just graduated from nursing that i was going to bew doing this course in india, their first response was "you must be really rich".

i suppose that is true in ways that i take for granted - i have been able to go to university, i know where i will be sleeping tomorrow, i know i will have access to food and clean water, i have clothes to wear, air conditioning in the summer, heating in the winter, a TTC pass most months, shoes, and even a computer in my room. my parents have been amazing and i have never really felt like a 'starving student'. i try to justify my privilege, mentally listing out things i don't have and want that lots of other people do have - but that is low and base and just plain covetousness, which is totally wrong. i know i shouldn't complain, and yet, as the bills and expenses come up, it is hard to feel "really rich".

this trip is an extremely privileged experience. it is also a lot more expensive than i had originally though, and though i hate the fact that this upsets me, it still does. i keep wondering certain things like maybe if i only eat 2 meals a day i can save this many rupees. it isn't just the trip but also loans and interest and money that needs to be paid, licensing fees, the list goes on.

whenever i get like this, counting the cost, i feel so frustrated at myself. what is $100 or $500? it's all the same when the money isn't there. why can't i just laugh it off? i fee like a tight-fisted miser. especially when i compare my condition to the people around me over here who have so much less.

i wonder if maybe it was just stupid of me to come here and do this. maybe i do live in this privileged world of no responsibilities where everything is taken care of and there are no imminent or important things to do so i can take off whenever i want on some stupid "vacation" to "experience" the other side of the world. whatever that means, and whatever purpose that serves.

i guess, ultimately, the question to ask when counting the cost is: "is/was it worth it?"
at this point, honestly, i don't know.

second glance.

coming here for the second time isn't quite what i thought it would be. before i came, someone warned me that i would probably experience culture shock, since this is my second trip. i thought she was wrong. i don't really know what culture shock is, but i think this might be it. or maybe, just maybe she somehow infiltrated this thought into my head about culture shock and now i'm just a hypochondriac, imagining ailments upon myself.

i don't see things the way the other girls i am with see them. the first time i came everything was so strange and different and my reaction to everything was "wow!" whereas now i don't see these things for the first time, and my reaction isn't at all "wow!". i think i may see more than i did last time. there is so much beauty in this place, in the environment, in the buildings and architecture, in the people, and yet there is so much that is sad and broken and is in need of fixing.

foreign exchange

the first day i arrived in hyderabad i had some unexpected 'guests'. (i say 'guests' because it was rather I who was the guest). it was about 7pm and i was lying fast asleep on the bed that was to be mine in the room i shared with one of the other students from Toronto. and lo! i was awoken to find out i had guests. i find parts of indian culture so terribly strange, this being one that western culture could benefit from incredibly: hospitality. not just hospitality though, but hospitality imbibed, as if part of their worldview over here.

friends of my parents from when they were my age, who hadn't seen them since then, came by, took me to their house, and took me out for dinner. they shared their home, their stories, their friendship and made me feel like i did belong in this strange country.

that was something that immediately surprised and impressed me the first time i visited this country 4 years ago and met my cousins' family. these people i had not seen since i was a toddler took me into their home and treated me in such a way that they were immediately my family, the way family should be. it was quite a shocking experience. whenever someone shows such kindness i have no idea how to respond - i am always so taken aback and momentarily jarred from my world of individualism, suspicion and reservation.

it stands in stark contrast to the social norm of toronto.
don't make eye contact. if i don't look at them, maybe they wont exist or wont become enraged, or even worse: talk to me.

stranger in a strange land

for the course i am currently doing, there were 2 locations offered: india and manitoba. you might think that i would leap at the chance to go to india again, far away, exotic, exciting, a rising world power with ancient roots, and besides, how is manitoba "international" at all? however, that wasn't my reaction at all. i opted for manitoba (however, this didn't work out, forwhateverreasonuponwhichichoosenottospeculate).

i told myself it was because i'd been to india before, knew what it was like and what to expect, whereas i've never even travelled within my own country. the farthest west i've ever been is hamilton, and that friends, is rather sad. however, although this is true, there was more to my lack of excitement and apprehension about india.

it has to do with the fact that i am indian. or rather, the fact that i am a lame excuse for an indian. i know nothing of the language, in fact i only speak english, very bad french and pig latin (estray almay indeed!). i don't know the culture or the customs, i've never watched a Bollywood movie, i don't seem to get along with other indians (evidence being my lack of indian friends), i don't go to the goan parties or dances. the only things i have going for me are that i love the food and am brown (so i can blend in until i open my mouth.

one of my excuses for this is that my family is from goa, and they grew up in mumbai, which aren't quite like the rest of india, being very much westernized. and thus i am not much like other indians. lame excuse, i know, especially since i'm not quite like other goans either. anyhow...

i suppose the truth is i've always been conflicted with regards to where i belong. in canada they ask me where i am from. i tell them "Earth" and then they sneer and walk away (just kidding, i've never told anyone that, but maybe i should). it's such an awkward question: "where are you from?" i never know what to say. "well, do you want my whole life history in 10 seconds?"
just because i'm not white i'll never be considered from canada while in canada. and yet, in india, where i'm supposed to be 'from', i'm also considered a foreigner. belonging neither here nor there. kinda sucks. when i'm in canada i'm from india, when i'm in india i'm from canada. horrible.

i feel that because of the way i look i should know indian culture and language, and yet, i better understand western culture. at least in manitoba i would have the right to be a foreigner.

despite this lament and my own confusion, i'm not altogether upset about my lack of nationalism, and my overall lack of culture is sad, but not utterly tragic. these things are reminders to me that anywhere in this world i am a stranger in a strange land, and i wasn't meant to belong here, only to be here.

They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. (John 17:16-18)


overall, being in india is... well, an experience. at times it is awkward, but as stated previously, awkwardness is nothing new to me, and neither is not belonging - thus i will manage.

hi

my location has changed.
that's right, i'm in india right now, and will be for the next few months.
it's like time travel... but with space...

i may or may not have a workable internet connection, so i may or may not be blogging. i have however cheated and found out how to post-date entries. think of it as time travel with time.

anyhow, just though i should let all yall know.




p.s. if you want a post card, email me your mailing address and i'll see what i can scare up!