stranger in a strange land

for the course i am currently doing, there were 2 locations offered: india and manitoba. you might think that i would leap at the chance to go to india again, far away, exotic, exciting, a rising world power with ancient roots, and besides, how is manitoba "international" at all? however, that wasn't my reaction at all. i opted for manitoba (however, this didn't work out, forwhateverreasonuponwhichichoosenottospeculate).

i told myself it was because i'd been to india before, knew what it was like and what to expect, whereas i've never even travelled within my own country. the farthest west i've ever been is hamilton, and that friends, is rather sad. however, although this is true, there was more to my lack of excitement and apprehension about india.

it has to do with the fact that i am indian. or rather, the fact that i am a lame excuse for an indian. i know nothing of the language, in fact i only speak english, very bad french and pig latin (estray almay indeed!). i don't know the culture or the customs, i've never watched a Bollywood movie, i don't seem to get along with other indians (evidence being my lack of indian friends), i don't go to the goan parties or dances. the only things i have going for me are that i love the food and am brown (so i can blend in until i open my mouth.

one of my excuses for this is that my family is from goa, and they grew up in mumbai, which aren't quite like the rest of india, being very much westernized. and thus i am not much like other indians. lame excuse, i know, especially since i'm not quite like other goans either. anyhow...

i suppose the truth is i've always been conflicted with regards to where i belong. in canada they ask me where i am from. i tell them "Earth" and then they sneer and walk away (just kidding, i've never told anyone that, but maybe i should). it's such an awkward question: "where are you from?" i never know what to say. "well, do you want my whole life history in 10 seconds?"
just because i'm not white i'll never be considered from canada while in canada. and yet, in india, where i'm supposed to be 'from', i'm also considered a foreigner. belonging neither here nor there. kinda sucks. when i'm in canada i'm from india, when i'm in india i'm from canada. horrible.

i feel that because of the way i look i should know indian culture and language, and yet, i better understand western culture. at least in manitoba i would have the right to be a foreigner.

despite this lament and my own confusion, i'm not altogether upset about my lack of nationalism, and my overall lack of culture is sad, but not utterly tragic. these things are reminders to me that anywhere in this world i am a stranger in a strange land, and i wasn't meant to belong here, only to be here.

They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. (John 17:16-18)


overall, being in india is... well, an experience. at times it is awkward, but as stated previously, awkwardness is nothing new to me, and neither is not belonging - thus i will manage.