upper class privilege and money woes

at my last placement, when i told my preceptor and a girl who had just graduated from nursing that i was going to bew doing this course in india, their first response was "you must be really rich".

i suppose that is true in ways that i take for granted - i have been able to go to university, i know where i will be sleeping tomorrow, i know i will have access to food and clean water, i have clothes to wear, air conditioning in the summer, heating in the winter, a TTC pass most months, shoes, and even a computer in my room. my parents have been amazing and i have never really felt like a 'starving student'. i try to justify my privilege, mentally listing out things i don't have and want that lots of other people do have - but that is low and base and just plain covetousness, which is totally wrong. i know i shouldn't complain, and yet, as the bills and expenses come up, it is hard to feel "really rich".

this trip is an extremely privileged experience. it is also a lot more expensive than i had originally though, and though i hate the fact that this upsets me, it still does. i keep wondering certain things like maybe if i only eat 2 meals a day i can save this many rupees. it isn't just the trip but also loans and interest and money that needs to be paid, licensing fees, the list goes on.

whenever i get like this, counting the cost, i feel so frustrated at myself. what is $100 or $500? it's all the same when the money isn't there. why can't i just laugh it off? i fee like a tight-fisted miser. especially when i compare my condition to the people around me over here who have so much less.

i wonder if maybe it was just stupid of me to come here and do this. maybe i do live in this privileged world of no responsibilities where everything is taken care of and there are no imminent or important things to do so i can take off whenever i want on some stupid "vacation" to "experience" the other side of the world. whatever that means, and whatever purpose that serves.

i guess, ultimately, the question to ask when counting the cost is: "is/was it worth it?"
at this point, honestly, i don't know.